XII. End of Forever

Today is the day I’m supposed to die
Somewhere nearby
she’s preparing to commit suicide

As I sat
struggling with the concept
of surpassing the oneiric limitations
of these stones
I was startled
by a sudden appearance
but still as beautiful as ever
I started to speak to her
but I must admit
by now
I had to have been out of my addled mind
worn by obsession
extensive study
anxiety and stress

I began babbling about
This much I know
Trying to tell her
what I knew about the stones
Somehow in my excitement
I managed to catch myself
allowing a thought
to hastily introduce itself
and become irrefutably clear

She is here
and she has been
in every memory I can bring to recollection
So I slow myself
advise her to return
mostly so she can ease her mind
without the risk of me overwhelming her
As she leaves
My heart, mind and thoughts
begin to breathe deeply
Rest assured
Confident and secure
I come to a realization
as easily as I could recall
a long forgotten memory

She came to me
and now
I am ready to begin this end

The time I took to better myself
as I waited
instead of giving chase
will now be the energy she will use
to understand and mature her emotions

Through the strength
and mysticism of the soul
This bittersweet taste of reality
will now become a symbol of our unity
and when it does
there won’t be much life force left for me
Just enough
to bring it to her
and not an ounce more
beyond that

It’s a strange thing
this gift
It’s endearing
Our relationship lived
much like any other
but still unique

the stones are indeed limited in ability
with memories that can only be relived as dreams
but where there’s a will there’s a way
and it’s very possible to relive the memories
as they’re being made

Something like that
requires a substantial sacrifice of course
Something like an offering
of an immortal life force

The sun will rise for her
marking the dawn of a new day
while at the same time it sets on me
as I wither away

She doesn’t have the feelings
the emotions
the mindset
the memories
She can only be ready
once her emotions mature
and she comes to understand them

Once she’s ready
she will tell the ring
which will bring her to me

It’s funny
Because she was older
Because she knew more about us
Because she introduced me
to this new life
I believed
she had all the answers
Now that it’s been me
Now that I’m the one
who is older
Now that I’m the one
who introduced her
to this new life
I can see
that she was still learning
Just like me
Just as I was

As I approach my final moments
I understand
The journey never ends
It only transitions
Like a circle
Like a ring

The constant passing of time is the eternal conflict
The immortal enemy of youth
yet in a paradox
is the benevolent benefactor of life
perpetually bestowing gifts of new beginnings
New beginnings such as this one

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Beginning again